Tuesday, September 23, 2014

' You are all of life.' (Part I)


'I'm reminded how far we've come; You're the One that my heart is beating for.'
-The Undoing, Steffany Gretzinger




Last week in church, I felt extremely extremely prompted to share my story of that stage of our lives where we have to make major decisions for our future. For some of you who might be facing life decisions, I pray this post will bless your heart.

My story here was that in-between stage of after college to what course in university and which one. These major life decisions are really so difficult when you don't have a clue what you want to do in life. Some people are blessed to just KNOW what they're good at and already excel in it way before university. Unfortunately for me, I was not one of those child prodigies. I was that typical asian girl who did well with my grades just because they were my grades but saw nothing I wanted to do with those subjects in the future.

I figured however, that nobody would know the fullness of me like my own Creator and so I decided to pray about it a lot and for a really long time too. I truly desired to know what was on God's heart for me. I always wanted to do bible school/theology but my parents strongly wanted me to pursue a degree first and even though I told God I wanted to rebel and go to bible school, He gave me no peace for that; no peace for rebelling (like duh, faith). 

So I told God, I would give Him everything. I laid it down at His feet setting the wide range that I was willing to study the most difficult subject ever or even be a road sweeper if God said so. I prayed and prayed, and sought and waited, and got tired because it's tiring. My mum tried to give me a solution and said 'if God doesn't say anything, do medicine because God gave you the brains for it. The Bible says honour your father and your mother maaaa.' (she was and still is, cheeky). I guess I got tired and told God I would comply with that if He still remained silent on that issue.

There was this one week I remember, that I kept replaying this mainstream song that was made by a Christian band, FM Static called 'Dear God'. The song was originally written about a boy who was writing to God, because he just broke up with a girl or something along the lines of that. And it was certainly not supposed to relate to me but I don't know why I kept it on replay. (it's not even my genre of music)

That week was one where many people came and shared with me all their struggles and burdens, and I felt like I was carrying a lot. At the same time, I felt like no one really bothered about my struggles. It seemed like I had to be there for everyone but nobody was there for me. When I was blasting this song while showering one day, I suddenly started crying because every single line supernaturally spoke to me. At the last line of the chorus, it just hit me so hard. 'Sometimes u just got to look closer, instead of searching so hard'. It was like the loudest whisper + punch in my heart that screamed PSYCHOLOGY. That moment, I bawled.
[[ Disclaimer: I NEVER EVER wanted to do psychology because I hated that everyone was doing it. I thought it was lame hahahaha. I was extremely against it so this is not something I wanted but just suddenly clicked. ]]

After that incident of course, I started to doubt if that was all emotional or a God-encounter. When my mum was driving me home from school one day, I shared what happened with her and after I was done, she started crying too !! (I wasnt even crying this time) She was so fixed on me doing medicine but this completely changed her. Weirdddddd! But I still was so skeptical and told God I needed confirmation.

I can't remember how long or short after this, I went to serve in a YouthAlpha camp. Before most camps I go to, I pray about what I'm going to expect. But in this camp, since I was serving the people, I thought little of my own expectations. Before the last day of the camp, on the last night, God whispered and asked why I didn't expect anything from Him. I was surprised. So I said, "ok God. my only pressing question now is : what should I study? should I do medicine?" He replied, "That's the wrong question." 
So I asked, " Should I do medicine or psychology then? "
And He said, "That's the right question."

The next day (last day of camp), the speaker went up to speak and before he spoke, he said a word of prayer. When I was closing my eyes, not expecting anything, I saw the first vision I have ever seen so so clearly. I saw a silhouette of an ear. I tried to swap it away cause it was so weird and unexpected. Prayer ended. And so the speaker told us to turn to 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, the passage of Scripture about the Body of Christ. 

We read through it and he closed the Bible. He looked at the crowd of students and he pointed randomly and said 'are you a hand?', pointed again 'are you an eye?', pointed again 'are you a mouth?'
and then came my moment of sudden realisation.
 "OMG. I'M AN EAR!" O.O

Because of the question I had asked that night before, I knew the options were either medicine or psychology. I knew then for certain, with a confirmation from Scripture about the body of Christ I was to function in at this season, that I had gotten my answer. I was to serve as a listener, in respect to people and to God.

And so that's why I'm here in psychology! :D It's amazing asking God what He made us to do because He would know best since He created us and knows our future. It's incredible when we offer up our free will to ask Him His will. It's exciting the journey of pursuing and desiring and receiving.

 My challenge to you today, is to include God in all your decisions and not just in a passive way but in a way that you are willing to listen; even when it defies what you want to do at the time. For I believe my fleshly decisions can never exceed His wisdom. I'm grateful beyond words that God led me to doing psychology. The more I grow, the more I see how it's perfect for me. If I had chosen anything else, I would not enjoy these years of studying and would struggle through it. I wouldn't be the fullness of me. :) 

In the hopes of me continuing my writing spree, I will blog on my gap year and also how I chose to come to Australia. My prayer always, is that these stories will testify the goodness of God and will encourage you to desire more of Him!

He has more for you!
Write your own stories with the Lord!! He is so exciting! :))



'You know every detail of my life. You are God and you don't miss a thing. 
You know me.'





xx.






Thursday, August 7, 2014

God, Our matchmaker

'.. Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.' Song of Songs 2:7


When I was seven years old, I met a boy in class. He was my first class monitor and I was like the mini seven year old princess, who wore white high heels to his seventh birthday party. We grew closer and closer as the years went by. At the age of twelve, we got our first ever handphones and our first numbers were each others. Since barely anyone at that age (at our time) had handphones, we spent most nights texting and calling one another. 

For the first time in my life, a boy started sharing with me his secrets and I started sharing with him mine. He told me his little crushes and I was opened to a whole new world. Back then I thought it was a completely foreign and abominable thing to do, to confess to a crush that you liked them. He explained to me that boys actually do that. We slowly started to develop this '12 year old crush thing' on each other and when he was about to confess this, he instead told me he did like me but changed his mind (even though he didn't) 
and so, I changed mine.

/ we were about seven here. we're the two people on the left /

Thirteen; and we were upgraded to high school where again we were put in the same class. I thought since this whole crush thing was done and over with, we could now be purely best friends and nothing of that sort would ever happen again (since the same things don't usually happen twice). Lol. Little did I know that his subtle feelings for me persevered and grew pass infatuation to a genuine 'like me exactly for who I am' sort of thing. But, you know girls have this thing where they cram a handpicked bunch of guys into this 'consideration pool' to see who is personally fitting to the list or not. Well, he was never once put under consideration. And this kids, is what is commonly known today as the tragedy of the friendzone. (poor boy)

Discipleship Camp 2009
Chemistry class
Awards Day 2010
Even though we didn't have the most similar interests (eg: sports and stuff), we were extremely connected by God. Out of most of the people I knew in high school, he was the one I clicked with when we shared about how we saw God and our passion for Him. 

We never had a single chance to be apart from one another. We were thrown into being partners for almost everything significant in high school. We shifted from yellow house to green house together. Placed together as Bible Knowledge partners since 13, and every year till we were 17. Led the sports house together as captain and assistant. (Totally made the theme of our sports house Garden of Eden, just because God is somehow always included in the picture). Took the exact same subjects and extra electives for our SPM and so were in all the same classes. Super kiasu competitors for 1st and 2nd place in class yearly ( we fought alot ). Hahah. Choreographed dances together for school performances almost our whole high school lives.


Green House 2010

Bible Knowledge Quiz 2010
On our last Awards Day of high school (which was like a huge deal at that time), the teacher in charge of the worship for the event prayed about who to pick to worship lead and she told me that God clearly dropped two names in her mind and so the decision was extremely easy. God said "Roy and Faith". 

Awards Day 2010
We moved on from high school and he was actually glad to get away from me cause with me in the way, he apparently couldn't find anyone else worth pursuing. *AHEM AHEM* ( he earns points here for sweet talk btw )

Unfortunately for him, we ended up in the same college and even though we were doing completely different subjects - science and arts , we ended up in the same class for taking Religious Studies. Again, God brought us together. We joined Christian Fellowship and started serving in the YouthAlpha committee, Research and Dev comm, and soon served in the CF comm together too. :D

Last day of MCKL Christian Fellowship 2012 
MCKL High Praise Event 2012
CF camp 2012 
MCKL Midsummer Masquerade 2011
Meeting Mr Yosh, he brought us to MYPG (Malaysian Youth Prayer Gathering) where he picked ten of us from CF to be trained to be used by God in prayer. Now, not only did we meet every day of the school week but also Saturdays to gather and pray! 

................

When we turned nineteen, he finally decided that he would try pursuing me (yay!) and so, invited me to prom as his first prom date. I agreed to this but misunderstood everything, thinking this was just a best friend date and texted him after the night an extremely friendzoned text which he took as a 'never-going-to-happen' reply. :(


Orientation Ball 2012
After college, he was relieved to split ways AGAIN. lol. The Lord told me to take a gap year for certain fulfillments and so I did. Coincidentally, he decided to take a gap year to do some volunteer work too. In this gap year, we went to Israel with a bunch of other families where his mum led the tour. We really fell in love with the nation and the people. (and now we're doing Hebrew together!) Ironically, I remember his mum saying a prayer for me there in front of the whole group, that I would find the man that God had prepared for me. She would have never guessed it would be her son. kekeke




Israel 2012
Gap year over and it was time for uni to begin. He had decided on Singapore and I was planning to head to Canada or UK. Last minute things happened and God spoke to each of us individually; we ended up in the same university in Australia, in the same intake and ended up staying in the same building, diff floors. 

I think he was more annoyed than ever. hehe.

..............

I did really love that my best friend was in everything I did and everywhere I went. Somehow, anytime I was with him, every place would feel like home.

When I was really young, God spoke to me through Scripture and confirmed to me many times that He had prepared someone for me. He also told me many times that I simply had to wait and when this man comes, I would know for certain. I know this sounds extremely controversial since God has given us the gift of choice and also sounds totally cliche sprinkled with much cheese, but it was really true for me. I understood from the Lord that everything was meant to glorify Him and so being a couple should do the same. Finding that one person who loves the Lord passionately can really change the course of your life since it's a journey together. I believed that the Lord had prepared someone for me who would draw me closer to Him, instead of further away and from meeting him, would alongside stir me to my calling.

When Roy finally dropped that 'lifelong secret' major bomb on me that he hated me calling him my best friend because he always wanted to be more, I tell you it was the biggest shock of my life. It was the first time after nine years, that I intentionally considered him and realised that nobody has ever fitted my list like he has. I asked Roy what made him choose me since he knew all my flaws and ugliest moments by now, and he said he fell for how I loved the Lord and how I inspired him every time I talked about God. I really hated when guys abused God's name saying that God told them that they would certainly end up with me. This guy was different. No tricks. No selfish agendas. He waited. He loved me beyond myself. He loved me for loving someOne else. 

So, he spent time with God to search out what he wanted in a girl and he concluded that guys choose to love the girls that they find precious to them; whether physically or emotionally or relationally, etc. And he realised even though he did find me precious in all those aspects, more importantly he found me precious spiritually. And that's what made the cut. I absolutely adored that.



I love how God was never not in the picture. Haha. Reflecting back on the long journey, God kept placing us together for everything even when we never intended for us to work together. God created opportunities to place us alongside in leadership and in servanthood, in the good times and in the bad times. Not one significant event in my life or his, did we go through without each other; which really says so much. Every significant event would feature God and one another. It was always a 3-in-1 sort of thing. Also, he would have never liked me if it weren't for God and I would never have liked him either. I love that every single time I'm asked to share my story, there's no way of not mentioning God because He's so ingrained into this friendship and this relationship.

God was the ultimate matchmaker for the both of us. He sneakily and so subtly intervened in the backdrops of our past to lead up to our present. It sometimes frankly feels like He created us to be together. hehh. I do believe in a romantic God and I do also believe in a God who cares. I'm thankful He's so ever present. I'm thankful He weaves beautiful stories in our lives, for we deserve none of this.

If you know me personally, my whole life people have always mentioned how compatible we are. Almost everyone has.... They have always somehow thought we were together or that we will be one day. You might just be one of them! I always shook it off with a 'no! not roy. he's my bestieeee >:( '.
It's funny how ironic life turns out to be and how plots can truly twist.

I will never forget what my brother said when I asked him for advice on this. 
'If I were to write a book on your life, this would be the perfect ending. He's your best friend. You're living the dream.'






I literally can't imagine a life without this guy. We practically spent our entire lives together. He's my best friend in the whole world, and now so much more. :)





'The Lord has done great things for us; We are glad.' 
Psalm 126:3


xx



'A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him first in order to find her.'